Since we are approaching Valentine’s Day, I thought this might be a good time to share how the Lord brought my husband and I together. As I have shared previously, all of my close friends got married either during high school or not long after and I was single until I was almost 25 years old. I dated one young man on and off for seven years (more off than on) and another for two years (during one of the off times). Near the end of the relationship with the one I had dated on and off (it was always “on” on my part, but off and “on” on his part), I sensed the Lord telling me to “let go”.
During this time in my life (of being single), I had went through a lot of loneliness and depression, but this resulted in me seeking the Lord like never before. I started getting up at 5:30 am (and I a not a morning person) and going to the church, so I could have an hour alone to pray and read the word before going to work. While seeking the Lord one morning (a couple of weeks after the Lord told me to “let go”), I opened my Bible to the scripture in Psalm 37:4, which says: “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I sensed the presence of the Lord, as I read the scripture, and I felt that He was telling me that He was getting ready to bring the right person into my life. A couple of weeks after that my friend, Pam Burke, called me to say that there was someone she wanted me to meet. She and her husband, Jeff Burke (who is now our Pastor), had been attending Coleman Assembly and serving as youth pastors and had met my (now husband) there. Pam has fixed up about 13 couples (last count that I know of), who have gotten married. She is kind of a Christian matchmaker, so to speak.
My husband later told me his side of the story. He had been divorced for a couple of years (not by his choice), and was ready to meet someone. He had been attending other churches, trying to meet someone and had dated a couple of people, which didn’t work out. They were having a tremendous out-pouring of the Holy Spirit at his church, at the time, and he hated missing his church services, so he told the Lord, “if you have someone for me, send her here.”
One Sunday morning, after going to the altar and pouring out his heart to the Lord and saying, “if you have someone for me, send her here”, as he was going back to his seat, my friend Pam approached him and said, “are you a bachelor looking for a bachelorette? He said “maybe” (as he pictured what I might look like, lol). After that my friend called me and said, “there’s someone here I want you to meet.” So, I went to Coleman Assembly and met my husband, Tim Rowe.
Although I was not entirely over the other person I had dated previously, Tim had the kind of looks and personality that I was drawn to. He had a great sense of humor and I knew that he loved the Lord because He talked about Him a lot. You usually can tell what or who a person really loves by the way they talk. We dated for one month as friends and then another month as boyfriend and girlfriend and then he proposed. Although we had not dated for very long, I felt in my heart that this was the man the Lord had spoken to me about. He had all the qualities I was looking for, so three months later, on October 24, 1987, 31 years ago, we got married. No one is perfect, but my husband is a very good man. He is a hard worker and has been a good husband, father and partner in life for me.
Tim is a sanguine (otter) personality with some beaver (melancholy) thrown in. He is super out-going, never meets a stranger and loves to tell jokes and make people laugh. They say that women have more words than men, but my husband is definitely the exception to the rule. He loves politics, history, science and just about any other subject you can think of and can whip out his political soap box and get on a rant in a moment’s notice. I have had to ask him to please not talk to me in the morning until after I’ve had my coffee because he wakes up wanting to talk about all these different things and he doesn’t even drink coffee (and I’m thinking how can he talk that much in the morning without even drinking coffee?, lol) He is very adventurous and likes to go places and do things (he has a lot more energy than I do) and he tends to be a workaholic. He’s very driven (a born entrepreneur), but is also very affectionate, encouraging and loving towards me.
I, on the other hand am a melancholy/phlegmatic (beaver/golden-retriever) type of personality. I am an introvert, but I am friendly and talkative with my friends. I’m very introspective and enjoy reading and studying, teaching and writing, decorating and cooking, etc. My husband helps me be more adventurous and I help him be more organized. We balance each other. In a way, we do complete each other, but I realize that we would not be as happy as we are together if we both had not allowed the Lord to do a work in our lives prior to meeting each other. My husband used to say: “Two people don’t get married to be happy, two happy people get married and then they are happy together.” We both share the same core values, as Christians, and endeavor to keep the Lord first in our lives and that is what helps us keep walking in love towards each other.
I am thankful, though, for the years that I had on my own, to really get to know the Lord in a very deep way before meeting my husband. I think so many people are looking for someone to “complete” them (another person) and they end up either sucking the life out of someone else or making that person an idol in their life because they are trying to fill a place in their heart with another person that was meant to be filled by God. The Lord is the only one who can truly “complete” us. Another person can be a great blessing and a great partner in our life, but the wrong person can bring a lot of heartbreak and be used by the enemy to try to mess up God’s plan for our lives.
Before the Lord brought my husband into my life, I had reached a point where I decided it was better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. I also told the Lord that I wanted to be married, but if it was His will for me to remain single all my life, I would still serve Him for the rest of my life anyway. I went through a long period of time that I didn’t date anyone. I had decided I didn’t want to be hurt anymore and I didn’t want to hurt anyone else, or get emotionally involved with someone that was not the Lord’s choice for me (although the one I had dated on and off did come back into my life briefly, just before meeting my husband, that didn’t last very long). Although I loved the Lord, I had previously allowed that person to become an idol in my life. Going through this season of my life where I learned to love the Lord above everyone and everything else cured me of that. I made up my mind that I would never again let anyone come before the Lord in my life. He became my “first love”. He is the one who “completes” me. He helped me find my identity in Him, discover my gifts and calling and find His direction and purpose for my life.
If you’re single and wanting a mate, I encourage you to be patient. Seek the Lord with all of your heart and put Him first. When it’s the right time and the right person, you will know it. Let Him “complete you” and be your first love and of course, you could always call the Christian Cupid (Pam Burke), lol. God bless you all. Kelly Rowe